January 28, 2020 (day of surgery)

Once a day I rise, once a day I fall asleep with you

–Mac Miller.

Arrived at the surgery center at 6am. I came by myself because I have kids that need to be taken care of. The car ride over here was interesting. Dark outside, going to get cut open.

This is literally the only time I have felt any sort of emotion over this whole thing. I have none of my people here with me. Now, this is not major surgery. I’m just scared of being out of control. I’m scared of being knocked out and never waking up. I’m scared that not waking up means I haven’t done what I am supposed to do. I’m scared that I haven’t said everything I want to say. Interesting perspective.

This makes me think, people don’t want to be alone. Nobody wants to be alone. I’ll go home and life will go on. I will return to normal (hopefully) and all this emotion and fear will be nothing.

All I can say is that when something is taken away from you that you didn’t want taken away, you invariably think about how much you miss that thing. This can be anything, the use of my knee has been that since I got hurt. I want my functioning knee back so therefore it’s worth this small risk to get it figured out and give me the best shot at getting back to where I need to be.

I need to figure out if I’m going to be able to run this marathon and this will be the first step toward that. So here we go..

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